Better. . .

This week is going better. Of course, my professor could ruin that in class tonight, but I'm going to enjoy it for now! The loan that got turned down last Monday was approved by another credit union so I can get the "wild life" of my twenties paid off ("wild life" consisting of eating out too much and then spending money on diets that didn't work). I was able to get another argument written in the place of the one that was "superior, for the most part, in the writing" but, apparently, did not make an argument, and got yet another paper written on a topic in medicalization. I chose egg freezing, which is something that I considered and might even have done if I hadn't had the "wild life" to pay off. Good news, egg freezing is no longer considered experimental, so there is a possibility that insurance will pay for it in the future as a "preventative treatment" for infertility (as a result of the medicalization of a women's body, fertility, and aging). See, I learned something, despite the week that I would have much preferred to spend in bed with the covers over my head.

I'm in the process of registering for next semester's classes. You will reading of the trials associated with my trying to comprehend Biology, Criminology, and Foreign and Dangerous Women (a class that will bring my GPA down, but I always enjoys this professor's classes).

As therapy last week I did some Christmas shopping-- for myself! This will be the first year that I will have my own Christmas tree. I am taking my time to select decorations that will not harm my cats or my possible future children. No garland/tinsel, I bought some pretty entwined bead strands and the ball ornaments are plastic instead of glass. I can't wait!

NOT at my best--

Yes, I’m still here!

Today’s post will be comments on another blog post found here: http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/10/24/30-simple-ways-to-simplify-your-life/

There can be no step-by-step guide to simplifying your life, but I’ve compiled an incomplete list of ideas that should help you move in the right direction.  And of course, not every tip will fit your lifestyle, so just choose a few that do and apply them accordingly.

1. Resign from a commitment you’re not passionate about. I’ve done a lot of this lately! Somehow I’m still busy.

2. Stop trying to be perfect. Stop trying to be perfect.  Stop trying to be perfect. Stop trying to be perfect.

3. Implement a basic cleaning schedule. Hah, that’s what Sundays are for after you put it off all day Saturday, right? Sigh. I should seriously do this.

6. Clean out your purse or wallet. I’m sorry; I missed that. Say again?

7. Put a paper shredder next to your mail spot. Fist bump. I actually have just implemented this one.

8. Winnow your wardrobe down to pieces that work together. More like what currently fits and what will still fit me after the holidays. . .

10. Add your number to the do-not-call list. Or don’t install a land line and never turn your cell phone on. . .

14. Turn your phone off when you need quiet time. See answer to #10.

16. Design a filing system that you can stick to.  I have no problem sticking to my filing system. Stack it here, stack it there. . .

20. Set limits on your bad habits, and reward yourself when you stick with them. Yeah, see, that’s how I got this fat. I limited my bad habit of eating and rewarded myself with chocolate.

22. Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you. Sigh. I try. But it’s a lonely life when the person you really are is a person that no one likes. It’s easier to just pretend to be what they want you to be.

23. Stop trying to be a saint and indulge yourself in something fun every once in a while. See answer to #22.

24. Pay off your credit card debt. Sure. As soon as the bank will agree that I deserve a loan. Unless you’re already late and behind, no one seems interested in truly helping you.

25. Avoid watching commercials and reading advertisements. It helps when you don’t have local TV or cable and your internet only works some of the time.

26. Rediscover the pleasure of reading purely for enjoyment. Reason why #3 doesn’t work too well. However, ties in well with #25.

27. Plan two weeks of delicious meals ahead of time and skip the nightly grocery run. Ah, but I have less money to spend with the nightly run thus buy less food that I shouldn’t eat anyway.

29. Learn to ask for help. I am trying. Really. When I know I’m overwhelmed (seriously, why am I running this event completely by myself when my fellow club members are sitting around talking?) I ask for help. I was told they had something to do and would be right back.  . . .

Okay, in all seriousness, this is a great list. Please go read the whole thing. I have just not had the most awesome week and am feeling a little bit snarky. But I am now being pacified with sushi so things will be looking up.

More Thoughts from Homework

I also had to write on a presidential election issue. Since I am interested in embryo adoption/donation, guess which one I picked? Here's a little of what I wrote:

“As campaign issues go, this one couldn't present a starker contrast. The supposedly pro-life GOP candidates want to turn [them] into criminals. . . . . The Democrats want to help them pay for it,” writes Stephanie Mencimer for Mother Jones¹. What is this issue? In vitro fertilization (IVF). IVF creates embryos in a petri dish after extracting eggs and sperm from the donors/parents. As someone interested in embryo adoption, many of the blogs that I am reading are claiming that a vote for Romney is a vote against IVF.

If that were true, Republican presidential candidate, Mitt Romney, would be one of the greatest of hypocrites. Why? Because without assisted reproduction, Romney would have fewer grandchildren. You see, three of Romney’s sons have struggled with infertility issues and used assisted reproduction to conceive according to Ron Scott, a distant cousin of the Romneys². Romney’s son Tag, in fact, used both IVF and a surrogate in order to have his three children³. So  why would people think that Romney is opposed to IVF? It isn’t Romney at all. It is Romney’s running mate, Paul Ryan, who has stirred up this fear in those struggling with infertility. Ryan co-sponsored the Sanctity of Human Life Act and many fear that the bill’s definition of human life will make the process of IVF illegal⁴. Many similar bills that are being introduced at the state level are known as personhood amendments.

To state that the personhood amendments will outlaw assisted reproduction is not factual, but it isn’t completely without merit either. Reproductive endocrinologists fear that the amendments would place many restrictions on how their work is done. For example, when the sperm and the egg meet in the petri dish, according to many of the amendments, those newly created embryos are human life. The number of embryos created from an IVF cycle often number in the teens. All of the embryos cannot be implanted into the recipient. We would have many Nadia Sulemann “octomom” cases. Usually one to four embryos (depending on the quality) are implanted and any remaining healthy embryos are cryogenically preserved for future use. Two issues arise in that process. First, not all the embryos survive the freezing process. Will these doctors then face abortion charges? Secondly, what about the embryos that aren’t healthy, that obviously won’t survive the freezing process but likely won’t create a healthy baby either? As infertility is rarely covered by health insurance, payment is usually required at time of service and paid solely by the recipient. It is certain that these fears would make the cost of IVF, which already will easily cost $10,000 for just one cycle to skyrocket because doctors will have to factor in expected lawsuit costs. Sean Tipton, spokesman for the American Society of Reproductive Medicine explained, “If . . . a physician or lab tech drops an embryo on the floor, have they just committed homicide? Manslaughter? This law won't ban IVF, but it will ban (doctors) from doing it right."³

Mencimer claims that Democrats want to help infertile couples pay for treatment. She is referencing incumbent President Obama’s Affordable Care Act (Obamacare). Requiring insurance companies to provide coverage for one fertility issue- birth control- opens the door for other fertility issues. The president of Healthcare Advocates, Kevin Flynn, said, “Someone is going to make the argument now you’re going to have to cover fertility.” Dr. Jamie Grifo, professor of obstetrics and gynecology at the NYU School of Medicine, agrees, “If you’re going to mandate coverage for fertility controls, that includes both conception as well as prevention.”⁵

As much as I would love to see infertility costs picked up by insurance, I've always said that my right to my way of life ends when it infringes on someone else's right to life. While it is possible that I may encounter some exceptions to that rule along my road of life, this isn't one of them. Much as I don't want to vote for Romney, he is the only pro-life candidate that has a prayer of winning the vote. I do worry though, what changes in the law may have come about by the time I can afford to actually seek out embryos to adopt. Right now they are considered property. While I consider them life, having them legally designated as property makes the donation much easier. Legal adoption is difficult, expensive, and can take years. I don't really have "years" left. Just thinking about being pregnant at 40 makes me feel tired. I'm trying to remind myself that I won't be working two jobs and going to school then and if my debt is payed off-- or at least way down since I'll probably pick some back up while trying to conceive-- I'll feel much less stressed. And I just saw a little girl with the cutest brown eyes. . .

¹ Mencimer, S. (2012, August 14). Ryan Sponsored Abortion Bill That Would Make Romney's Kids Criminals. Retrieved from Mother Jones: http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2012/08/paul-ryan-abortion-ivf-romney-kids-criminals

² Goodman, L.-A. (2012, August 14). Would Ryan's Anti-Abortion, Anti-IVF Bill Criminalize Romney's Son? Retrieved from The Canadian Press: http://www.geneticsandsociety.org/article.php?id=6351

³ Kounang, N. (2012, August 30). Could 'personhood' bills outlaw IVF? Retrieved from CNN: http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/30/health/ivf-outlawed/index.html

⁴ UltraViolet. (2012, August 16). Women's group says Paul Ryan would "outlaw in vitro fertilization". Retrieved from Tampa Bay Times PolitiFact: http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2012/aug/17/ultraviolet/womens-group-says-paul-ryan-would-outlaw-vitro-fer/

⁵ Marte, J. (2012, February 10). Will Obama Deal Lead to Free IVF? Retrieved from SmartMoney: http://blogs.smartmoney.com/advice/2012/02/10/will-obama-deal-lead-to-free-ivf/

 

Birth Order

I had to write a post for one of my classes so, as I am not getting much other writing done these days, I decided to share portions of it here.

Alfred Adler was a pioneer of the study of the affects of birth order on children but people are more familiar with Kevin Leman’s “The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are?” I can remember when mother read this book for the first time and I talked to her to confirm that I remembered her “diagnosis” correctly. Since there are four of us, we didn’t fit the oldest, middle, youngest so it was interesting to her to see where we lined up in Leman’s birth order. She felt that she had two firstborns, a middle, and a youngest child. Encyclopedia.com’s article on birth order states, “The first born of either gender, no matter where in the sibling order the child falls, will be treated as a firstborn.” And indeed, my mom’s two “firstborns” were different genders. I would be the 2^nd child but the firstborn girl. The Encyclopedia.com link is: http://www.encyclopedia.com/topic/Birth_order.aspx .

This is copied from the Childhood Development Institute- http://childdevelopmentinfo.com/child-development/birth_order.shtml :

The following characteristics will not apply to all children in every family. Typical characteristics, however, can be identified:

Only

• Child Pampered and spoiled.
• Feels incompetent because adults are more capable.
• Is center of attention; often enjoys position. May feel special.
• Self-centered.
• Relies on service from others rather than own efforts
• Feels unfairly treated when doesn’t get own way.
  May refuse to cooperate.
• Plays “divide and conquer” to get own way.

First Child

• Is only child for period of time; used to being center
  of attention.
• Believes must gain and hold superiority over other children.
• Being right, controlling often important.
• May respond to birth of second child by feeling unloved and neglected.
• Strives to keep or regain parents’ attention through conformity. If this failed, chooses to misbehave.
• May develop competent, responsible behavior or become very discouraged.
• Sometime strives to protect and help others.
• Strives to please.

Second Child

• Never has parents’ undivided attention.
• Always has sibling ahead who’s more advanced.
• Acts as if in race, trying to catch up or overtake first child.
• If first child is “good,” second may become “bad.” Develops abilities first child doesn’t exhibit. If first child successful, may feel uncertain of self and abilities.
• May be rebel.
• Often doesn’t like position.
  Feels “squeezed” if third child is born.
• May push down other siblings.

Middle Child of Three

• Has neither rights of oldest nor privileges of youngest.
• Feels life is unfair.
• Feels unloved, left out, “squeezed.”
• Feels doesn’t have place in family.
• Becomes discouraged and “problem child” or elevates self by pushing down other siblings.
• Is adaptable.
• Learns to deal with both oldest and youngest sibling.

Youngest Child

• Behaves like only child.
• Feels every one bigger and more capable.
• Expects others to do things, make decisions, take responsibility.
• Feels smallest and weakest. May not be taken seriously.
• Becomes boss of family in getting service and own way.
• Develops feelings of inferiority or becomes “speeder” and overtakes older siblings.
• Remains “The Baby.” Places others in service.
• If youngest of three, often allies with oldest child against middle child.

The CDI list says of older children, “May respond to birth of second child by feeling unloved and neglected”. When I was born, my older brother was 4 years old (we’re all about 4 years apart). He actually packed a bag and ran away. It was nine years before we actually began to find things in common and became close. My older brother finished high school and started college a semester early. He attended an unaccredited college to study pastoral theology and, after he completed the requirements, stayed around doing some master’s level classes waiting for my sister-in-law, who started a semester before he did, to graduate. He then went back to an accredited college to get a double major in business and some type of computer degree, which he completed in three years. He has done some work on his master in his field of computers but did not complete that- although he has mentioned to me a few times lately that he thinks he is going to start working on his masters again.

Now, if you ask my sister and I- we’re the middle two- we did not consistently fit the traits of a first or middle child. I had a first child personality as a child into my preteens. I was very outgoing and didn’t know a stranger. Before there was ADHD, I had it. (Okay, obviously there were ADHD cases when I was a child but it wasn’t diagnosed like it is today.) My sister was very shy as a child. When we did hit our teen years, our personalities flipped. My sister says that as I became more caught up in the IFB culture, I became less of myself as I tried to become the perfect “good girl”. I took on more traits of a middle child. When my sister hit her teens, she was suddenly this thin, gorgeous, outgoing, popular girl and became more of a firstborn personality. This was about the time she started trying to tell me what to do! My sister says that she felt like she had to step up because my oldest brother had married by that time so it was almost like we did not have a firstborn in the house. She says now that she is an adult she actually sees more middle child traits in herself than she realized she had.

My poor little brother, he says he had three moms. The Encyclopedia.com article states, “They have been found to be most successful socially and to have the highest self-esteem of all the birth position.” Very true of him. When I took Personality Psychology, we were taught that youngest children are the least likely to take on their parent’s values. My brother is the only agnostic among us and he is the only one who voted for our current president.

The quiz may not be any more real than the ones that people make up for Facebook, but I took the quiz here: http://www.blogthings.com/birthorderpredictorquiz/ and tested as an only child.